Headline: Basis Section Carbon Goes Full Bureaucracy and Calls It Progress  Subtitle: A future where carbon metrics govern policy, and common sense is rebranded as a new currency of virtue. Image: A glittering orbiting conference hall with a carbon-fiber lectern, a giant rotating carbon footprint chart, and holographic banners reading 'Basis Section Carbon.' Suited officials push glossy projectors as a neon-blue glow bathes a crowd of attendees, while outside the dome a city hums under towering glass domes. Body: In a glittering hall aboard a drifting think-tank, the Basis Section Carbon announced that every policy will be indexed to how well it ages in a vacuum. Carbon credits are now issued in basis points of breath, and politicians debate with a slide deck powered by coffee fumes about whether a tree's shade counts as a renewable vote. Citizens began collecting their personal footprints like limited-edition sneakers, while bureaucrats measure 'carbon-soundness' by the cadence of their speeches. The conclusion is blunt: progress is a spreadsheet you can wear.