Headline: Global Bans Imposed on Shallow Drives  Subtitle: Governments worldwide crackdown on 'superficial commuting' to promote deeper travel experiences. Image: Cartoon of confused commuters riding extremely shallow cars, barely scratching the surface of the road. Body: In an unprecedented move to battle environmental and social superficiality, global leaders have banned shallow driving, forcing commuters to engage in more 'profound' transportation methods. This new policy ensures that every journey not only spans distance but also depth, encouraging subterranean routes and philosophical musings mid-transit. Critics argue it's a deep-seated invasion of privacy, while supporters claim it's about time we dug a little deeper into our daily routines.