The latest trend in conflict resolution brings combat-ready infantrymen directly to your doorstep.

In a shocking twist of commercialism, Sold Perfect Anywhere Troops now offer personalized military units to settle your domestic disputes, armed with grievances more potent than their weaponry. These soldiers come equipped not only with rifles but also with conflict resolution tactics ripped straight from reality TV show formats. Imagine opening your door to an AT-AT heated civilian discussion or receiving parenting advice while standing in front of a tank! As we inevitably blend consumerism with conflict management, one has to wonder—who needs therapy when you can order a battalion for that awkward family reunion?